Thursday, August 12, 2010

The end and the begining

I have been rocking this bright yellow nail polish for the last two months. A coworker gave it to me as a present because the name of the nail polish is Fiercely Fiona. Every time I look at my hands and feet, I think about my baby girl and smile. And the unique color has drawn a lot of attention and it has been a good conversation starter.
As I redid my nails the other night, as I have been doing once a week for the last two months with this nail polish, it struck me- this was the last manicure before Fiona is here and this would be the polish on my nails when I am holding her for the first time. I know it was kind of a silly revelation, but as D-Day approaches, I am doing a lot of things for the last time.

I had my last day of work, my last visit to the cardiologist and my last visit to the specialists a few weeks back, and that was the start of the end. This past Monday was my last ultrasound and this morning I had my very last OB appointment, hopefully ever. This is our last pregnancy, we are taking the permanent surgical birth control route. I am trying to savor her every movement (although at this point in the pregnancy her movements are more painful then pleasant) and I am definitely taking advantage of the excuse " I can't, I'm pregnant". I'm closing in to the last moments of being a mom of just two and my last days of a normal routine. When you are so anxious for the pregnancy to be over, its hard to try to enjoy the things you will soon miss after the baby is born.

I have been so excited about the new baby, I forgot how much the first 6 months suck. Babies are not fun- they are cute, but there is nothing fun about having a being 100% dependant on you. Now, my two year olds- they are fun. I have been asked if I am sad that they are getting bigger- I am ecstatic they are getting bigger! Each day with them brings more surprises and joy in my life and it is amazing to watch them grow more and more independent. I am so looking forward to watching my sweet baby grow, but I'm dreading being sleep deprived those first few months. I'm looking forward to those quite moments, just me and her, rocking in the glider, but I am dreading the whole not being able to communicate so baby just cries and cries till you figure out what she wants.

I can not wait for my new life with my completed family. But while I can, I am trying to force myself to relax and enjoy the blessings God has already given me. After all, there is no point in getting anxious over a situation that is not in my hands. She will come when He wants her to and she will be perfect in the way the He makes her.


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