Sunday, August 22, 2010

My hands are full...

  I get the same reaction from everyone when they find out I have two year old twin boys, and now, on top of a newborn. Its a mixture of a look of surprise and a look of pity, followed by a "You have your hands full". The same feeling rises up in me each time- annoyance. Mostly from hearing that phrase for the millionth time, but also because I don't feel like I am someone to be pitied. I love my life and I don't know what I would do if I didn't have my kids. They keep me motivated and, besides my amazing husband, they are the main source of joy in my life.

 Each of Fiona's NICU night nurses have tried to convince me that I need to go stay in a real bed and get some rest. Last night, the nurse told me that I am the only parent she has ever had stay through the night with their child. I see how things go here- babies cry for sometimes ten minutes or more before someone can get to them. I was never one to rush to my boys side every little cry, but bloody murder cries need attention. Fiona is the only baby who does not cry at night. In fact, she cried her first real, from the chest cry yesterday when I was gone to take a CPR class. I come back to find her light flashing, her waling and her nurse tending to another crying baby. I get it- I wasn't mad. But if I have the ability to be here and care for her as her mother, as someone who loves her more then life, why wouldn't I be? Any other mom who gets to take her baby home right after delivery has to wake up every 2-4 hours a night and tend to their own baby, so why is it such a big deal that I am doing that here with her?

I'm excited for my whole family to finally be together tomorrow and to really try out this mommy of three thing. The only thing that some what scares me is the idea of leaving the house with all three in tow, which we will inevitably have to do. I hate cooping the boys up in the house all day and errands will have to be run. I dread the looks and "You have your hands full" comments that are only going to get worse when people see me with all three. The first time Charlie and I took the twins out after they were born, they were just a week old and we went to Costco. It took us almost 2 hours to make the walk around that store to get the 5 or 6 things we needed because every other person stopped us to make their "hands full" comments and give their unwanted input on having them out in public so young.

 But home family time, I can't wait for. I am going to cherish each day of these next 5 or 6 weeks that I am on maternity leave. The boys are going to get drowned with kisses, I miss them more then I can express in words. There are no regrets or need for pity here, I love that my hands are so full- full of amazing blessings.

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