Sunday, October 10, 2010

October 2

I know this is very cliche, but a lot really can happen in a year. A year ago from last Saturday, I walked down a sandy isle and said I Do to the man of my dreams. Actually, a man better then one I had dreamed of :)

   Since that day I've had three friends get married and another just recently get engaged. Sixteen of our friends and relatives gave birth- welcome babies Brinn, Sophia, Devin, Ryan, Stella, Reed, Sara, Vivienne, Ella, Emma, Cooper, Calvin, Lilly, Ava, Bryce and Christian!- and we had our sweet little daughter. I changed jobs, watched my baby boys turn into little boys, witnessed my father get married and with that added two sisters to my family. I felt the deepest pain and fear I had ever experienced with the news of my growing baby's diagnosis and the greatest comfort when God reminded me that he was in control. I watched friendships deepen and a few fade away. And this all happened with what feels like a blink of the eye.

For our anniversary, we skipped presents- a baby was a big enough gift for both of us- and just went to a quiet dinner on the beach, kids-free. It was the first time in months we had spent time alone together and talked about something other then the kids and it was refreshing and much needed. Losing that connection- the connection you have before kids- seems to be the demise to a lot of young marriages. I don't want to wake up one day, the kids be grown and out of the house and not know who my husband is anymore. So, the return of our regular, once a week date nights is first on my list to get back to normal in our lives.

I was holding Fiona today and out of no where it hit me- she has down syndrome. I really had forgotten for a bit. She looks so much like her brothers when they were infants and I just stare at her, searching for signs of downs, and rarely see them.

I find my self noticing more down syndrome people around me, though, on a daily basis. There was a little girl at the play ground today. Its hard for me not to sit back and take in these amazing, happy people, picturing Fiona at the various ages I run across. I'm not sure if God is purposely placing these people around me or if I have always been surrounded by them and just have never noticed. My guess is that its a little of both. Which may be why He wanted to bless me with my little one, to make me more aware.

I place my hand on her fragile chest, and feel her heart beat that feels like it is going to burst right through her soft baby skin, it is working so hard. We are waiting for her to gain just a little more weight and then she will be eligible for her surgery. I pray every day for strength to get through whatever the outcome of that surgery is. In the meantime, I'm soaking up every minute of Fiona time that I can, enjoying each day that she quickly is changing from a newborn to an infant.

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