Tuesday, January 4, 2011

He Decides

I loathe decisions.

You are taking a trip and you are given the option to take an earlier flight. Now, all that is running through my head is what if the plane I choose crashes. Or, I'm driving to a destination that has multiple roads that could get me there and I think what if I choose the road that has a cop waiting and I get pulled over. But then I remind myself that, as in everything thing in life, its not in my control. What ever happens was meant to happen and that is why I choose the direction that I did.

That's the beauty in trusting in God's plan. He has your whole life mapped out for you. He knows your every move, and all is because that's how he meant it to be. Everything is intentional, even if you don't intend it.

I have gotten two phone calls in the last four days from Fiona's surgeon. Two phone calls that required two decisions. Decision one was fairly easy. The surgeon had scheduled two surgeries on January 6th- Fiona's was the second in line. After thinking it over, they felt that he would have better success if we waited a day and allowed him to rest up between surgeries.  Easy decision- Surgeon, please rest those eyes and hands that will be fixing my daughter's heart. But then they called again, today. 8:30 am, I receive a call asking if we would like to move the surgery to tomorrow. My stomach dropped- you know the butterfly effect where one small thing changes everything? There was no way we could do the surgery tomorrow. I had a book of clients that I couldn't cancel on, we had to pick my dad up from the airport, and there was no possible way to get up to St Pete in time to get her pre-surgery blood work done. But the what-ifs started filling my head. What if Friday the surgeon makes a mistake that he wouldn't have made on Wednesday or Thursday. What if I make the wrong choice?

I stopped panicking. Wednesday, Thursday, or Friday, she's in Gods hands and so are the doctors. I slapped my self for allowing those thoughts of doubt sneak in. God knows how our story ends ( or hopefully how it continues right along).  There really is no decision for me to make. Wednesday and Thursday are out of the question, Friday is the day. And between the choice to freak out and panic or
relax and take comfort in trusting God, the latter sounds much more appealing.

I'm sure I will write again before Friday, trusting that He is in control still doesn't fully settle my nerves from the unknown. Until then, I'm off to enjoy my little family- good out come or bad, I'm still going to be away from my boys for a good week or two. Filling up this anxious heart with my three blessings sweet smiles.


  1. I just browsed a few posts and my heart aches for what you are dealing with. I cannot image my little one needing heart surgery. Your family is beautiful, your daughter is precious. You are in my prayers.


  2. Thank you Lulu, I truly appreciate your prayers. Her surgery went very well :)


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