I'm comfortable and at ease being at the hospital with my girl. There is not an ounce of anxiousness left in my heart, the worst is over. True, I would prefer my own bed to this plastic couch, amongst other small inconveniences living at a hospital provides. But I am in no rush to leave. So, I find my self hoping that each morning, they will tell us we have at least one more day here.
That also may be because I'm a little high of some quality time spent with my boys. I can't remember when I had so much fun with them. And I wish I had pictures to go along with this post, but today was a day to put down the camera and just play.
My dad and step mom brought the boys up for the day. There is nothing like opening the door and seeing their two sweet faces light up at the sight of mine. Those faces quickly turned to worry as they asked, "where daddy?", who had chosen to shower when they arrived. I can honestly say our kids are neither momma's boys or daddy's boys- its pretty obvious they love us equally. I am so thankful my husband and I have jobs where both of us get ample alone time with the kids.
And then came the "why don't you just stab a knife in my heart" question. They started asking where Fona was, "go see Fona mommy?". I tried asking different people, to see if I could work the system, but no go- kids under 3 are not allowed back to the rooms. Something about it being too traumatic for them because they are too young to understand. Like we would shove their faces in her wound? Its not that hard to cover up. But I guess I have to be a good example and follow the rules.
We actually let the nurse do her job for most of the day, and just periodically came back to the room to pump, feed or just check on the little peanut. I really needed this time with my boys and I was thankful I was able to let go for the day and trust the professionals.
I spent a good chunk of time, just me and my boys, on the outside playground they have on the second story roof. I let my self return to being a kid and played make believe on the huge pirate ship playground. We were prisoners and pirates, monkeys and dolphin riders. We ran "super fast" and played "you can't catch me" until I remembered I had not worked out in over a year and my lungs definitely can't take as much vigorous activity as they used to.
I know I have said this before, but now the boys are finally to a stage where its easier to take them out to restaurants. Each month, they get more and more well behaved. And although we have our occasional spout of stubbornness or crabbiness, they impress me with really how well behaved they are for their age. We were able to enjoy a nice dinner away from the hospital and I came back refreshed. I needed this dose of family time because my husband headed back home with them tonight. And now its just me and Fi until the discharge. I'm enjoying this as much as I enjoyed play time today. This is my bonding time with my third baby who never gets the full attention she deserves. And this is also my recharge time, because Fiona's only awake maybe 4 hours a day. So that leaves me with a good 8 or so hours of quiet. No TV, (my choice), just time to either write, read or sleep. My body's favorite medicines.