Friday, July 22, 2011


Little trains have become masters of torment in my house. They "disappear" frequently, hiding under beds, between couch cushions, sometimes disguising themselves in the mist of a pile of toys. And I am left scurrying around my house in desperate search for my little tormentors as my poor boys cry for their lost "fabrit" toy. "Where are you, Em-eel-lee? Where are you Tommy?" they call out, as if their precious toy will pop out with a "here a I am!". But they don't pop out. They don't answer back. And I am getting really tired of this sick game they play on me. So what did I do the other week? I bought even smaller trains (because they came in a book, and reading is good). Now I don't have a fighting chance. These suckers are really good hiders.

ity-bity train of torture 

Cleaning, organizing, decluttering has been my mission the last few days. Primarily, to zen my life, my atmosphere, but coincidingly also to give my tormentors less places to hide. I sit at my new desk (thanks, mom) in my clean room, new photo montage wall, little girl sleeping and boys playing with trains that for the moment are all accounted for, watching a thunderstorm dance on our lake. Zen.

Sean Ocean and Ashley Allbee, my house is slowly becoming a gallery of your work.

Our oh-so-small house is feeling not-so-small now that I have opened up some space. Kinda like if you want a raise, spend less money.... if you want a bigger house, have less crap stuff. The economical way of getting what you want.

Knowledge can be a buzz kill, or so my husband says when I have spent too much time reading. The punches have been flying at the Down syndrome community the past few days as I have read story upon story of ignorance and cruelty. Some of it large scale, like Denmark's announcement that they will be Down syndrome free by 2030 ( not that I wish anyone is born with Down syndrome, but seeing as it happens preconception and there is no way to prevent or "cure" it, the only way to be free of it is to encourage or demand abortions). Some of it is smaller scale, personal stories of people being mean to people. If I looked how it felt to read such things, I would have two black eyes and a broken nose.

I want to be someone who could just concentrate on the good stuff. See everything through pretty pictures that crop out the ugliness next to it. Dang empathy, it sucks me in to care. I can't ignore, stay blind, to the ugliness that surrounds us. This is my future, dealing with hurtful comments about my daughter not being worthy enough to exist and trying to educate people on why they are wrong. Figuring out what to say to a parent who laughs when her kid takes a cheap shot on how Fiona is doing something weird without just telling her that her and her son are a-holes and she should teach him manners- cause that's just anger, not educating. Figuring how to reach out, not react.

And then there is my biggest duty of all- teaching my own boys the importance of treating people right. Sympathy doesn't seem to come as naturally to boys as sarcasm and jokes do. Nor does it make them the cool guy in the group. ( There goes my blood boiling again, the thought that to a lot of people making Fiona the butt of their joke is acceptable). It starts off with calling people stinky face, or poop poo butt-favorites that I am trying to correct right now- to retard and gay. Its all fun and games, except that words still hurt and its at someones expense. People hate righteous people, but I hope that my boys be hated over being the hateful.

Thinking about investing in a punching bag to hit every time someone has something ignorant and mean to say. At least my arms will be in amazing shape. However, I don't think adding a large punching bag hanging from my living room really goes with the zen thing. So, I guess I'll just have to keep coming back here to clear my mind.

Say something nice and make someone smile.

I am thankful for my three kids who equally make me happy and drive me crazy.

 Thankful for rain that is filling our lake back up.

Thankful for my husbands job.

Thankful that my little sister made it safe to France and is having the time of her life.

Thankful Fiona's feet are straight. And, for that matter, that the boys are too.

Thankful that we finished watching Weeds and that I can finally get to bed at a decent hour.

Thankful for the people who stick up for those like Fiona. The community of special needs families and friends who know like we do that different is different, not bad. Thankful for almond eyes and vibrant smiles, and although its a double edged sword- that I think people with the extra 21st chromosome are amazing but I wish all people could have a normal healthy baby- I pray that God continues to bless people with the difficult road so that we can continue to work on being a more accepting world. Beauty and greatness come in all shapes, sizes, and chromosome structures.

Thankful that I have a platform to express my feelings on, even if no one reads or listens. Its therapeutic for my sole.

Thankful that GQ took the offensive content off their site, and hopefully learned something through all of this.

Thankful for a clean and organized house... well, at least most of it.

What are you thankful for today?


  1. You!!! You are an inspiring Mom and a wonderful friend!

  2. This is exactly how I feel too. I would love to read and hear only the GOOD stuff about Down syndrome, but that's not going to help change anything for Russell and his future. I need to be aware of everything around us, the good and the BAD. I just need to learn to deal with it better, not let it hit my heart as hard as it does.
    Oh, by the way...LOVE that wall of yours!! Beautiful!

  3. Andy and I had this same conversation this week, during the "stuff" in the community. There will always be inconsiderate, unkind people who say things of our children.

    I want to focus on what I can be thankful for, my daughter who survived 3+ years in an orphanage to come and bless our family. We are changed, living a life of loving every moment together.

    I enjoy reading your thoughts.
    Keep Smiling:)

  4. So thankful for YOU and your positive attitude. Thankful for you 3 PERFECT kids... who cares if they are 3 yr old crazy, energetic twins, or a designer gene baby girl who is the most precious thing in the world? They are my "gems" and I will always cherish them, and you.

  5. little trains little trains...are the worst to step on...ouch! under couches to see that it is one more place to clean!! great idea for the books...we have a thomas book that talks...not so sure that was the best idea! loving the wall...I LOVE pix of the family...we also have a small I do not buy much or keep much..makes it feel just right! in 2030 if the world is free of Ds it will be a sad day for everyone! it will still be hard to explain to my Maddie why she is not accepted in this harsh world...teaching our boys to be nice is the the #1 goal of mine..just for Max to be nice and to think before he speaks...we already have conversations and he is only 5...but he gets it and I think the change starts with in our families! I am thankful fro the hummingbird I saw this morning...and the thought of going on a hot air balloon ride or even attending the circus with my kiddos! wonderful post...made me smile...

  6. I just found your blog after you left a comment on mine (lol... this is Mason's mom.)

    Fiona (and your twins) are just perfect and beautiful!!!

    I had no idea about the GQ article! Consider them boycotted (not that I ever read it anyway....)

    Wonderful blog!

  7. Today... I guess I'm thankful I read your beautiful post:) Inspiring!

    Following your lovely blog. I am also inviting you to visit Momma's Lounge where you can add your blog (, express yourself, and meet more mom bloggers.

    Thanks and have a great day!

  8. New GFC follower-kport207 from the hop. Would love for you to come visit my blog and follow in return.

    Thanks :)

  9. Hello! Just wanted to say thank you for stopping by my blog and for the comment. Love the photo montage wall, you're kids are adorable! I am now your newest follower and hope you'll follow my blog too. Looking forward to reading more from you! Have a wonderful day!


  10. Beautifully written! We don't have trains but Polly Pockets that ate tiny instruments of torture to me :)

    I'm thankful for an inquisitive and precocious toddler, a sweet and easy going baby and a husband who is understanding and thoughtful :)

  11. You are so refreshing. I enjoyed reading this post and teared up at the one below it. Praise Jesus that your precious daughter is fearfully and wonderfully made! ...Newest follower from the relax and surf hop. Hope you have a great week!

    "Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." (Psalm 139:16 NIV)


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