Friday, August 26, 2011

Parenting Dilemma Resolved

There is a war going on in Mommyland, that probably has been going on since Eves first daughter became a momma of her own. Since there were two moms in the world. I best heard it put somewhere that I cannot remember the source, but it went something like this. You spend hours researching and contemplating over how to parent. How many kids to have, how to discipline or not discipline, how to feed them, nurture them, teach them. And when you finally make a decision that you are pretty sure is the "right" way, someone comes along and does it different or challenges your choice. You have put so much effort into this choice that you are only semi-sure is right, (because there is really not just one right way to parent) and so you get hurt and defensive. That is the daily war going on with moms.

Why moms can't be friends video

Its a silent war, mostly just thoughts in heads, sometimes spilled over with a snide comment or two. Moms, whether we like to admit it or not, are constantly judging other moms by the choices they make. By how their kids behave. Because subconsciously, we judge parents by how their kid turns out.

I owe an apology for the thoughtless comment I made about a spoiled kid. I was not being general with what I said, I did not intend to indicate that every child that cries for his mom is spoiled or an only child. Or that all only children are that way. I was talking specifically about a child that is an only child, that I feel is spoiled by the life style his family has and the way his parents treat him, and how he is kind of a little rotten kid because of the excessive coddling he has received. I joined in the mommy war, ran with my pride and made a low blow comment that I truly  am sorry for. I parent differently then this mom, and so I got defensive with my choices. I in no way intended to offend any parent of a child who is attached or an only child. And I really didn't have any intention to hurt the mom or kid I was talking about because she doesn't know me or read my blog,  nor any intention to accuse this kid of being Drew  to her or the teacher.

Drew does exist. And he is not the little boy who cries everyday. Drew is new. He started last week.

I talked with the teacher, approaching the topic indirectly at first. Before throwing any accusations or names out, I wanted to see how my boys were doing. She reported good kids, play rough with each other but well with the other kids, and they are just really high energy. A.K.A... They wear you out. Sounds like my boys. I asked if Breiden specifically was having problems getting along with anyone in the class and besides the occasional fight with Gavin, no. It turns out the Drew incident was nothing more then two high energy boys playing and an accidental kick. No mean intentions, no fighting, just boys playing like boys. And I saw Drew, whose mom also has a baby girl and drives the same white mini van as me. He was a high energy, fun loving little boy. Nothing to worry about.

Over reacted? Maybe a little. But my mind is at ease that a. It seems that I have some pretty decent boys and b. There is no bully in their class. And I feel better that the teacher is aware that Breiden was concerned about the accidental incident and it was a good learning moment to teach Breiden about letting people know when he is hurt.

So thankful for kids who, besides being high energy, are getting good reports from their teacher. Thankful that they have each other to look out for one another, and that Gavin looks out for Breiden when he is upset about a mishap at school or missing mom a little. Yes, my kids cry for me too.

A lot of not so great things are happening right now. Things like my mom is back in the hospital with blood issues again. Breidens eczema is taking over his body and severely interfering with his daily (and nightly) life. And Fiona had to endure 4 needle pokes that all failed to draw blood, so we will be heading back soon for more blood work. Along with a lot of other little stressful things. So I am trying to hone in on the many other under appreciated blessings we have to be thankful for. From the house that shelters us, to the relationships that hold us up to every breath we take. Being thankful for what you have in the midst of the not so great is what keeps me grounded. Because, when it comes down to it, its those little things that really are important in life. Something that in the world of "YOU NEED THIS" marketing and advertising, is important to keep reminding myself.

What are you thankful for today?


  1. I am extremely thankful for YOU Shannon. And for Charlie's flexibility in keeping the boys while you pack up my house for my move (which I hope to be able to be a part of) on Wed.
    I love you, <3 Mom

  2. i was so a great parent BEFORE I children...I knew everything...I made comments and know I have a high energy 5 year old...and I do feel judged on him...he is a know it all...he is spunky...will tell it like it is...and he is very high energy...but he is us wrapped up in a perfect I have slowly learned to relax...a bit...with Maddie everyone just assumes it is because of "ds" that she acts like she does drives me nuts-oo...but it is because she is 2! she is high energy, spunky, defiant and wrapped in a perfect package just for us...I try to tell myself...I made these children...and actively participated in molding there being...loved this well written...hope everything gets to going smooth to your mom...smiles

  3. Your humility inspires me. I'm glad it all worked out for you.

    Today I'm grateful for our weather. I've been watching the reports about Hurricane Irene and I'm so thankful I live in Seattle. Praying for everyone back east.

  4. This was so great to read. This is something all moms can relate to and I know I can! So often I have felt insecure because of a parenting decision I've made or something one of my children has done. Thank you for sharing this. I hope you have a good week with those sweet little ones of yours!

  5. Thanks for writing this, there's so much truth in it. I think I have pretty great kids, and sure, they have their moments where I want to die. Moments where I think, I didn't teach them that, where is that coming from? Where I think I'm doing every single parenting thing wrong.

    But all in all, I try to let my own judgments and the judgments I am sure come from other moms roll off my back. These are my kids and I'm teaching them as best I can. :D

    Stopping by from the Monday hop and following.

    Smile and Mama With Me


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