Tuesday, August 9, 2011


I hate to be Debbie Downer. The one who  has bad news to share and sad stories to tell. But I seem to be a magnet to it and can not help but tell people what I know.

I try to shy away from writing of the "bad" things here, because I want to concentrate on everything good and the many many blessings we have. But it only makes sense that what consumes my mind will eventually come out here. And if you read my blog, you know it does probably more often then I like.

I watched this a few weeks ago with my husband.
( Before watching scroll down to the bottom of the page and pause the music that plays on my blog)

And it hurt more then I could even attempt to explain. Like could not control the tears for hours pain. It wasn't just hearing the words of the actors, even though scripted- those still stung too- but it was all the people who nodded in agreement or said nothing. At some point, some day, Fiona will face something like that. That hurts.

The response to asking people not to use the word retard always is the same. " I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it that way" But those horrible, toxic, painful words those actors said, that's what you are saying when you use that word. That is what that word means. If you don't mean it that way, you don't know the word you are even using. And you just don't understand how I felt when I watched that clip.

On a daily basis, we have people tell us something or someone is "retarded" either not knowing about Fiona or simply not thinking before they speak. On a daily basis we are put in a situation to ignore or to educate. It stings a little more each time I hear it, like a hiccup in the conversation- a noticeable pause where I picture my daughter and just want to wrap my arms around her. I want to protect her from ever hearing that word, from ever knowing that because of the way God made her, fearfully and wonderfully made, people will make fun of her, people will get irritated with her, people will look down on her.

I know that people aren't thinking of Fiona when they use the word so carelessly. Its not like they are filling in her name "That's so Fiona", but honestly, you might as well be. Starting to understand why this word is so painful? And how insensitive the comment to "Just get over it" or "Stop overreacting" is?

I don't want to be Debbie Downer. I don't want to call people out on it. I don't want to talk about it. But I do, for everyone who deserves to be treated like a human being.

Tomorrow night is girls movie night. Our movie choice? The Change Up. I have been looking forward to this movie for months (because any movie with Ryan Reynolds I look forward to for months). So today, when Jennifer at Life As We Know It posted about part of the movie's script, I was crushed. Now I had to decide, do I go, listen to the painful words come from my biggest Hollywood crush's mouth and ignore it. Or, do I tell my girlfriend.

I told my girlfriend. And I love the response I got back. Without hesitation we were no longer going to see The Change Up. I knew I wasn't going to financially support a movie that scripted these words- (in reference to Jason Bateman's twins not talking) " What, are they retarded? And this one, he looks Downsy" And neither could my friends. I know I won't be able to dodge it every time, because honestly, the majority of movies I have seen lately use the R word. But I couldn't knowingly go in there, and hear them talk about having Down syndrome as a negative thing. Making my daughter's life a joke to laugh about. And I know I couldn't handle if any one in the movie theater laughed out loud.

This probably wont be the last time you hear read me talk about this because I know this wont be the last time I have to deal with a situation like this. And even if only one person gets it this time, and starts treating the word with detest, venom that they would not let near their lips, then it was worth talking writing about.

Thank you, Tricia, for being so supportive :)


  1. I wanted to see that movie too...And then when I heard what was said in it I thanked God I didn't go. I would have burst into tears hearing that and hearing people laugh...I am glad you wrote about it though. Every time we write and someone stumbles across and reads, we educate. And educating is the only way to help create change. And sometimes people need to hear how these things hurt...They need to feel the emotion behind what we are saying. Good for you for writing a post on it :)

  2. I am sure that you hate having to write about this subject as much as I do, and I really hope that with each time we have to, more people get the message! No one deserves to be referred to in that way! So glad to hear that your friends are also boycotting the movie!

  3. Never apologize for educating! Hugs! I'll also strike "The Change Up" off my list of movies I'll ever see.

  4. A young man with Ds has a blog that I follow. I loved reading his own opinion of the movie.


  5. You will ALWAYS have my support without hesitation! I'm grateful to have such a compassionate friend, your blog continues to educate and support others-keep up the good work S! Looking forward to girls night tonight!

  6. I love What Would You Do for these types of scenarios - so many people speak without thinking or act a certain way and it's only when they see someone on TV acting that way that they realize how awful it is. Dropping by from Welcome Wednesday Blog Hop. I am now following you and would love a follow back!

  7. Thinking before speaking is always the best behavior ... unfortunately there are some stupid people out there that can't think worth while thoughts. Well written :)I'm your latest GFC follower. Hope you can stop by my place soon and return the favor.

  8. I am a new follower. I have always hated the R word, it is not used as much in England and I couldn't believe how much I was hearing it when I moved to the States. I know people who won't tollerate words like H**l and D**m but are fine with the R word, to me it is far more offensive.

    I found your blog via a blog hop and I am going to be following and looking forward to reading your posts.

  9. Hi! I’m following your blog. Please stop by and say hi when you get a chance. If you’re ever interested in a blog makeover please let me know. Take a look at my portfolio and packages when you get a chance. Hope you are having a Sweet Week.

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  10. We are not allowed to use the R word in our house. I hate it! It's one of the most hurtful words I know. Never apologize for sticking up for what's right.

    Stopping by to follow you on GFC through the Blog Hop :)


  11. Hi Shannon, I just posted this at www.facebook.com/stopdisabilityslurs ! Thanks for sharing.

    Would you consider adding a link on your site about our group? I can send you the logo

    Founder, Stop Disability Slurs
    950 members in 4 days and growing....

  12. Someone just tweeted tonight about how "retarded" something was, and I almost tweeted her back to say I was offended. {I didn't but I guess I should have!}

    Thanks for sharing this post. I appreciate it.

    I am visiting from the You Like Me Friday blog hop. It is nice to meet you. Stop by my blog, Long Wait For Isabella , anytime to say hello.


  13. hi, new fan!

  14. my sister has Cerebral Palsy, so have dealt with a lot and people are not always as kind and considerate of those with special needs.

  15. I truly love the sincerity and transparency you share in your posts.

    (In case you are interested)I’ve enjoyed following your blog and would like to award you The Versatile Blogger Award. To find out more about it, please visit http://momsbestnest.blogspot.com/2011/08/versatile-blogger-award.html


  16. Thank you so much for posting the "What would you do clip?". I LOVE that show and it made me so happy to see a lot of people stand up for the young man bagging groceries. Also, thanks for the heads up on "The Changeup"...I thought it looked like an ok movie, but after the script revelation, I can't believe anyone would want to go see that movie. Finally, I don't see your post as negative at all, instead just very informative!!!
    PS: Love "The Luckiest"...it was our wedding song!


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