Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Anderson Cooper and the Mommy Working Wars

There are two sides to every story. So why people are so quick to makes harsh accusations towards one side they don't know or understand always baffles me. I rarely can argue something completely one sidedly with completely closed doors to any other option. It would have to be something that is 100 percent black and white to me. And very few things are in life.

So this brings be back to mommy wars.

Anderson Cooper recently had a SAHM vs Working Mom episode. One that I read about and watched clips of after. And my ears are just burning.

I have been both. I know what it is like to be each one of this types of moms. I know the positives. I know the negatives. And I know which is right... for me. Its not a black and white issue across the board for every single mom. And while I am always up for a good debate, the working moms on this show really pissed me off. Not because they attacked my life choices, but because they came off as selfish people- my least favorite kind of people.

I never once heard them argue why them working was a benefit for their children. And I can tell you lots of benefits for kids with working parents. No, these moms told the world why it was the best choice for the mom. I have said it before, being a parent is not about you. Hell, it sure doesn't make your life easier. And once you have a kid, your life will never be like it was before you had a kid. Because its not about you any more. A child is not an accessory that you pull out and put on when you choose. Its your whole life.

And I knew I had to write and vent about this after one particular remark. Working Mom said that all stay at home moms were lazy, out of shape, and that she thinks its important to take care of yourself and be in shape.  Agreed, it is important to be healthy and active, for both your own well being and your kids. But Lady, a- I am a stay at home and I am in shape b- I find I have more time to work out staying home then I did working so when do you work out, working mom? While you leave your kid in day care for an extra two hours while you hit the gym? I don't know you lady, but you sound extremely selfish and completely uninvolved or attached to your kid in any way. All I do all day is work out- with my kids. I am carrying around 75 plus pounds of children at any given point of the day, squatting, stretching, jumping, catching, running, letting two three year olds climb on me like a jungle gym. Up-down up-down I go all day long. In what world does parenting mean taking care of your self- I am pretty sure the definition is to take care of your child. I do agree that you have to take care of yourself to be a good parent, but that doesn't necessarily mean stay away from your child for 10 hours of the 12 that they are awake.

Lets see, what else did they attack. Oh, that stay at home moms are avoiding responsibility. That there are other more important things that stay at home moms are avoiding.Really? Really. I would put money down that the most important responsibility in a mothers life is raising their child. What is more important then your child's life? Please, tell me. I am really dying to know why I am wrong on this one. Sure there are people you can pay to take care of your kids for you, but isn't that your first and foremost job? Or did you think you were done after the 18 hours of labor and mommy duties could be pawned off on the nanny? Going into staying at home with the kids, I knew I was about to take on more responsibility then before. My kids lives or solely in my hands 40 extra hours a week.

Let us not forgot the work or not-to-work debate isn't always an option for a lot of moms. Some can't afford to work. Some cant afford to not work. I have three under three, one with special needs. Do you know how much day care for my household in our area would be if I had all three of them watched 40 hours a week? $1440 on up. $1440 on up! Thats on top of Fiona's medical stuff. Not to mention that if I worked full time then I would not be around for her medical stuff. Finances play a major role in making the work or not-to-work decision for a vast majority of people. To me, to work to have extras in life is not worth not being there for your kids milestones. You NEVER get these years back. But some do have to work, pay for day care, because after all said in done that extra 200 dollars they get to keep from their pay check means if they can fill their refridgerater or not. I will never judge a mother for working or not working. You do what is best for your family and its not a black and white, across the board, right or wrong decision. But woe to the mother who is a selfish b****. I will not look kindly upon you. Its your own children who are your victims.

And to these three working moms who interviewed on the Anderson Cooper show- spend one day, alone, with your kids, full attention on them, while also keeping the house clean, grocery shopping, go running with a baby jogger, stopping at Target with three in tow- in out, in and out of car seats just to get one small necessary item, peeing with kids screaming in the other room (one poking his head in the bathroom) for more milk, breaking up fights, bandaging boo-boos, tying shoes, cleaning up the 5th spilled cup of the day, and trying to pay bills on the phone with kids running around you screaming, and then tell me that I am lazy.

4 comments:

  1. I don't technically work. But I am in school full time which is at times a job in itself. However, I consider myself a SAHM. The several hours I am out of the house every week don't add up to the hours I AM at home taking care of my kids. I play with the baby all day long, as well as attend to her needs as well as make sure that she does her therapy and makes her doctor appointments, play taxi service, keep my house modestly clean and my family in clean clothes, do ALL of the grocery shopping (and every other type of shopping too!) and maintain a 3.6 GPA in school. I get out of bed at 5:30 most mornings and stay up until 10 or 11 pm most nights doing homework after my kids are in bed. Lazy? I think not. Woe to the woman who has to try to keep up with my schedule (as a matter of fact I had to write it out for a class this week and I frankly don't know how I even do it! lol)Screw anyone who thinks that a SAHM sits around eating bon bons and watching daytime TV! Preach it sister!

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  2. People have to do what is best for their families for sure, but I think being a stay at home mom is one of the toughest jobs in the world if done right. You are an amazing mom and cherishing those years with your young kids. You will be the one years later with no regrets and many precious memories to last a lifetime.

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  3. AMEN!!!!!!! I totally, totally agree with you, Shannon!

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