Monday, May 14, 2012

How sweet the sound


That sweet sound of a baby's heart that brings excitement and comfort. Excitement for the living being whose heart is beating in your womb, and comfort that they are still there. To learn that that beautiful sound was coming from a very tiny broken heart, that that swish was being pumped purely by the swish of my own heart, shattered my own. Broken.

It didn't take long for her beautifully flushed pink cheeks to lose the swish from my heart, leaving a dusty, struggling tiny life. But I didn't see that. I saw my heart, bundled in hospital cloth with a creamsicle-colored crochet hat I made her. And more then that,  I saw the strongest human being I had ever laid eyes on. She was 19 inches long and 6.8lbs, and fighting a failing heart.

Every moment with her has brought pieces of my shattered heart back together. The biggest chunk finding back its place as I held my baby in the comfort of our home a week after her surgery. Piece by piece, my heart that was broken by the fear of life taking an unexpected turn, its building its self back together. And bonding  together with the strength from my little fighter, my heart is thousand times over stronger then it was before.

I am frequently reminded of two things. That life is precious, and it can always be worse. Gratefulness shouldn't be an after thought, but the whole way of life.

Sorrow is better then laughter, for sadness has a refining influence on us- King Solomon

Why do bad things happen to good people? While I am not arrogant enough to claim I am a good person, I can say that we need the bad to grow. My daughter surviving a life threatening heart condition is not awful. Its in every way wonderful. Not every story has an apparently good ending, but that doesn't mean it doesn't have one. And my heart aches for those whose pain is much deeper then mine ever was, the heart shattered not into millions but trillions of pieces.

As I once again listened to the swish..swish..swish of my daughters now perfect heart this morning, I felt excitement and comfort. Excitement that I get to spend my days with this amazing sweet little girl and comfort that He is in control. Now, out of the storm, I can appreciate what is growing from the rain.

Amazing Grace

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.
T'was Grace that taught my heart to fear.
And Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear
The hour I first believed.
Through many dangers, toils and snares
I have already come;
'Tis Grace that brought me safe thus far
and Grace will lead me home.
The Lord has promised good to me.
His word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be,
As long as life endures.
Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
And mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess within the veil,
A life of joy and peace.
When we've been here ten thousand years
Bright shining as the sun.
We've no less days to sing God's praise
Than when we've first begun.


  1. Love her baby pic. She was SO sweet.

  2. That is one of my favorite songs....I agree too...adorable baby picture.

  3. Over the course of the last few years...i have come to the realization that i have needed the storms to strengthen my bring me closer to God..God knows what he is doing.and we just have to trust in his timing and plan..which can be really hard sometimes..but he has a reason for EVERYTHING he does! Such strong words in Amazing Grace but yet it is so comforting to! Such a cutie!!

  4. So true. The amazing sound of a babies heartbeat; the fact that we need sorrow (as hard as it can be sometimes) to be able to recognize the joy. Your baby girl is absolutely precious!

  5. She is adorable! I am so sorry I have not kept up on your blog (I know you're not concerned but I want to!) I will be done with work in 3 short weeks, then...And thanks for the support on my break down!

  6. It's amazing how life changes and your perspective changes going through OHS. I always say the day of Hailey's OHS was the worst day and one of the best days of my life (both at the same time). Love the pics! What a cutie!


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