Its been a while. 17 days to be exact. I've tried to write a few times, but the words, they just wouldn't come. Our relationship has changed over time. And I am not saying we still can't be friends, but I just don't need you like I used to.
This is a place of healing for me. The whole blogging world is. Starting with a little place called Enjoying All the Small Things all the way to my own little corner with you. Its taken almost two years, but I am starting to feel whole again.
See, the gratification and encouragement I got from sharing my heart and receiving love via comments from both friends and strangers was my Prozac. Sitting down to a white page and a blinking curser and writing sometimes for hours on end was my therapist. As I wrote the words, I spoke to myself. I saw my life- and I saw how I want to perceive my life. The things I liked, the things I didn't and how I could be the wife/mom/daughter I want to be. My days were easier to handle knowing I had this escape. Knowing at the end of the day, I would sift through countless pictures and thoughts and see how lucky I am. I grew with you, Blog. You held me together when I could so have easily fallen apart.
And then there is the whole special need's blogging community. I have made friends from next door to across the globe who every day help me navigate through these waters. Open my eyes to things, stand next to me to fight for rights and fight against ignorance. I never would have met them without you.
I've heard 2 is a turning point. The magic number for the heart to heal from the initial shock. Every ounce of strength I have had has come from my God. There is nothing I can take credit for. But as I have been leaning on Him just to stand, I can now feel Him underneath me pushing me along. Still guiding me, but letting me know my baby legs are strong enough with Him as my base. Which has also led me to lose the need to pour my heart here. I have Him to listen to me, and I now fully feel that is enough.
I've held on to excuses to keep this relationship going far longer then it should have. That its the most convenient place to journal/scrapbook. That people like to read it. Or most conceitedly, that people need to read it. But I leave rest assured that I can stop as there are many people out there blogging my thoughts, hopes and dreams. And as far as scrap booking, well without you blog, now I will have the time to do it. And its not like I am taking you down, my messages are out there, help for parents going through those dark, unknown days of diagnosis's, hospitalizations and surgeries.
Thank you for everything. You helped me make this a better life for Fiona. She will benefit from the blogging being done about Down syndrome and Mosaic Down syndrome awareness, and for that I am forever grateful. And double cheers if it helps more parents realize the precious gift they have been blessed with with that extra 21st chromosome. Keep up the good work Kelle, Holly, Deanna, Patti and all the other amazing Ds bloggers you can find on my side bar.